Storytime
Did you know that the Holy Bible is filled with drama, plot twists, suspense, romance,
trauma, affairs, tragic loss, betrayal, revenge, compassion and so much more? Well, now you know. It's storytime!!!
Side-Chick Hustle : Genesis 16
God promised Abraham that he would have a whole bunch of children, but at the ripe ol’ age of 85, still no babies. As a result, Abraham’s wife, Sarah, thought she was the problem so she came up with a plan. I imagine that things played out something like this:
S: “Bae, I know you heard from God and He promised you children and everything but nothing has happened yet soooo, you need to just sleep with my worker, Hagar, and have your baby with her. But don’t you dare enjoy yourself.”
A: “Nah babe, I couldn’t do that to you.”
S: “You got another plan? We haven’t been able to have babies for years. Hagar belongs to me so technically the baby will belong to me too. You get this ONE pass. Make it count.”
hunger games : genesis 25
Esau and Jacob were twins with very little in common. While one was most comfortable hunting, the other preferred to be in the kitchen cooking up plans to get ahead. I imagine that it went something like this:
J: “I see you made it back empty-handed. The animals must have smelled you coming lol.”
E. “Shut up, I’m not in the mood. I’m tired and I’m starving to death. What you cooking? Gimme some.”
J: “Gimme got his neck broke. Good food like this don’t come for free…let me have your inheritance and I’ll hook you up with a bowl.”
E: “Bet. Won’t none of it do me no good if I die from hunger.”
Sister wives: genesis 29-30
Jacob fell in love with a baddie, Rachel, and worked hard so he could wife her up. On their wedding night, Jacob kinda hooked up with Rachel’s sister, Leah, and got her pregnant.. over and over again. Consequently, Rachel was jealous of her sister because she was not able to have children. I imagine that the drama unfolded something like this:
R: “Jay, we need to talk.”
J: “Uh oh.”
R: “It’s real messed up how you got with my sister when we were supposed to be together but I know that it wasn’t your fault so I’m not gon’ keep buggin’ about it. But listen, you need to give me babies or I’m gon’ like die ’cause I’m sick of her throwing her big belly all up in my face.”
J: “You don’t think I wanna give you babies? You gon’ have to take that up with God.”
bruh-trayal : genesis 37
Joseph was spoiled by his dad but he was hated by his older brothers and they were many. Joseph snitched on his brothers often and he got on their nerves because he always found it necessary to share his dreams with them. Needless to say, one day Joseph’s brothers had enough of him and made plans to unalive him. I imagine that it went something like this:
Bro 1: “Y’all look, the little dreamer boy is coming.”
Bro 2: “Yo, I’m sick of him. Let’s just take him out.”
Bro 3: “Bet. We can throw him in that pit over there and leave him to rot.”
Bro 4: “Hey, look at those dudes over there. They look like traders. We can let Lil’ Jo Jo rot or we can sell him and make a little money off of him.
Bro 3: “That’s what’s up. I like the way you’re thinking.”
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"i imagine bible stories" podcast!!
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